Another double bloggy!?

I try to avoid double blogs, but today I just feel so hopelessly worried about typing a cover letter, etc, and the whole prospect of internshipping.

I mean, first of all, I'm afraid of rejection, but who isn't? I'm just nervous about talking with adults in general. I'm very scared of the idea of talking with them, because I can't do small talk in general anyways--I mean, it took me a few months for me to feel somewhat comfortable to talk with the teacher I aide for, and even now it's a bit...quiet? It's not like those back-and-forths between the teacher and those kids--those wonderfully socially gifted people. I mean, it's gotten to the point where today in the shower, as I was shampooing my hair, I was just telling myself over and over and trying to convince myself that it'll be okay, it'll be fine, etc etc, but soon I was wondering to myself where that car was that's suppose to run me over in the future before high school is over.

**That would be so ironic if that happened after I went through the internship process or something; in any case, the reason why I say a car will run me over before I leave high school is because I can't imagine myself beyond high school--but who can, or has? I'm just pathetic.


I mean, thinking about talking with adults etc just sends me into the realm of feeling physically sick. This really isn't helped by the fact I'm very capable of coming up with a nice and hearty list of negatives about me, and that  when it comes to boasting of my abilities, I take the modest approach.

But even if I get past my fear of authority and adults, what about the actual project? I actually doubt I have the creative mind for coming up with a good project for it. I mean, my mom tells me I'm creative (she's also told me I'm pretty, ugly, smart, stupid, etc lol :| ) but what does that mean? All I'm "creative" at is coming up with fake names, usernames, and maybe some story plots; but how is that related to a project? I mean, in school, I'm fed information, and I don't question it. If I smell almond-y aromas from the food, I don't question it--I just eat it up; if they tell me no, it is no; if they tell me yes, it is yes. I can't think of good questions to ask about something--I don't know what I don't know--I just don't get questions during a lecture, etc. If there's some sort of discrepancy, I'm like, the last to pick it up.

I really ought to follow my advice and just suck it up and jump into it, but I've always been the person to slowly submerge myself into the pool--I was never the person to jump right in. I would ease myself little by little into the pool.

**It is possible for someone to drown in a puddle merely inches deep. The main element of this situation is temperature. The water must be cold. The shock of cold water will send a message to the brain, which would send a message to the heart, telling it to stop beating. 


Or so I read in a forensics book.


Things for me, I suppose, have to be gradual. Maybe this is the reason why I'm having such trouble with the internship thing--there really wasn't much segway to it--this was just a huge cliff face to me rather than a gradual slope, although if it was a cliff face, the slope/ramp would be like...miles? xD Ultimately, I guess I'd need to just suck it up.

Listening to music helps me relax. A bit. The weird thing about me is that I have a lot of tidbits of knowledge and interests...let me see and rank what kinds of information I know, starting from most to least?

Greek Mythology/Roman/Latin Mythology
Mythology (more general--so other cultures)
Psychology
Biology/chemistry-ish
Wolves and Ravens
Dolphins...maybe sea mammals
Forensics (the dead bodies kind...not debating or writing or whichever)
Tidbits of information on wild animals
etcetera etcetera...just kidding, that's cheating

But those are just about what I have so far, off the top of my head. Now for interests I guess?

Greek Myths (and by extension, Roman/Latin myths because they ripped off the Greeks)
Other Myths
Psychology
Forensics...you know, the killing people kind ;O
Writing
Drawing
Biology/chemistry
Thermodynamics
Quantum physics
Nanotechnology (or it's more technical term, "Nano-stuff" </lying>)
Wolves, dragons, dolphins, animals in general

So I guess those lists are matchin' up okay...huh

Well, I guess I just need to suck it up or get hit by a car...

Wishin' for the car,
The Onion Cat