SAT Cat

Wow. What a break from blogging. And you know what, non-existent reader? ...well, to be 'h'onest, I really didn't care.

First of all, worthy of noting, I'm going to be taking SAT Subject tests tomorrow--namely, Biology and Math. So good luck to me, and all the other test takers out there!

Second, I've come to see the hilarity of saying honest with a pronounced 'h' sound. Quite amusing. Quite.

Third, I'm going to try to go to bed. Early. Like, 9:30 kind of early. That's like, going to give me an almost sufficient number of hours of which I will utilize in an unconscious fashion in order to refresh my neurons and repair my body!

Fourth, I'm not sure if that made sense.

Fifth, I skipped "third"

Sixth, I lied--I actually didn't.

Seventh, I'm trying to get back into blogging--and failing. But mostly because I really shouldn't be pissing away my time right now when I should be either reading the SAT book thing, or preparing for bed. But actually, I just remembered that journaling about your feelings about something that gives you anxiety can help to curb choking and thus let you focus more on getting awesome scores! (NovaScienceNow, people! Watch it~ so awesome~~~)
Choking is supposed to be caused by communication between two centers of your brain, and the area hyped up with anxiety (like, the part which is responsible for that sort of thing) starts to bother an adjacent part, which is the area used for thinking of smart stuff for good scores. Or something like that.
But by journaling, you get to address that anxiety-freaked-out part so then you can focus on doing good on a test! Or whatever you're doing. I guess I'll attempt journaling....now!

I'm a bit nervous about how I'll do on the SAT Subject test--specifically, biology. I know I've got the math part down, probably, but looking through the biology review book has made me realize that I've still a lot of concepts I'm either fuzzy about, or don't know the names with the explanation (I'll have heard of the theory, and know a concept, but don't know that theory is the name of the concept). I'm really scared about how the test will turn out--no pressure, right? But it also doesn't help that my day has been stressful. I was supposed to have had these edits done, but I hadn't contacted the person I needed to for the edits, and that marred my day a lot. You know, with the immense disappointment in myself that I felt.

Remember this, kids--being a perfectionist is not a good thing, in full honesty and from what I've experienced or seen. Being a perfectionist holds you back--but if you have the right mindset--sufficient motivation to really want to go places and make you not only active, but proactive, in your endeavors, perfectionism is perfect for you. But if you're lazy like me, or if you don't know how to tell yourself 'no means no' like me, or if you're overly shy like me, being a perfectionist....it sucks. It just holds you back more because you don't want to present anything less than perfect to everyone else, which means you aren't presenting anything.

Just know that people don't expect perfect, and that your work is likely better than you realize.

Just as I hope for excellent luck in my performance, I wish equally fortunate circumstances upon your endeavors. Whoever you are, of course. (Traffic is quite bleak on blogs...or perhaps just mine?)

Pokemon White 2 has been amazing,
The Onion Cat

Comment Misinterpretation

Hey guys, I'm back! </speaking to an empty room>

It's almost like if I say it enough times, it becomes untrue. Anyhoo, I just felt the need to express myself about this one thing that bothers me, and that's comment misinterpretation.

I was on youtube, watching this Onion News Network video called Four American Troops Tragically Killed Along With 23 Afghanis, and after watching, I thought that the video did a good job portraying...well, I'll just post a screenshot of my comment below.

don't stalk me so I posted as "Cowgirl5155", but I've been getting a lot of replies of people saying "That's satire", or along those lines, as if I don't know what satire is. I know what satire is. I know it's a joke. I just thought I would point out that I thought it also did a good job at making me think. I wanted to comment because usually, The Onion simply makes me laugh as they tease, but today, they reminded me about the enemy versus ally.

In 6th grade, we held a mini debate in class about what good is versus evil, and I told the teacher I wasn't really sure if there was an answer. In the example I used, a spy from country A would be seen as evil from country B, and good in country A, while a spy from country B would be seen as evil from country A and good in country B. The point is that while we may believe that something the other side is doing  is evil, when you get right down to it and put yourself in their shoes, you'll see that from their point of view, what they are doing is good. Killing thousands is good and bad--it simply depends on what side you're not. Not that I'm advocating war or killing or anything. I'm just pointing it out. The death of one can be tragic or be a reason to celebrate. It all depends on context.

I'm not sure whether or not it is our place to judge. You will hold your opinion, and I'll hold mine. I just hope that people realize that sometimes, they need to step out of their "context" and into someone else's context.

Happy for thumbs up, but sad for misunderstandings,
The Onion Cat

--girl look at that body

First, let's knock this outta the way. I love nerdy stuff, so when I stumbled on this comic, I thought it was hilarious. But xkcd always has funny comics.

Anyways, I feel semi-bad but not really for not updating for 10 whole days, because really, who reads these? Close to no one. And who would want to? I don't say anything interesting. But anyhoo, I've been swamped by stress due to my stupid choices in academia, which makes me wish I was stupid and didn't have to do anything.

I forgot what I had to say :(

*sigh* ... --girl look at that body

Well--Oh yes! I was going to talk about my club. Like, no one is in it, but the people that are at least, matter to meeeeee~ they're all my fronds <3 :D So we've been doing some fun writing activities. I just hope it's not like, too boring, because I try and think hard about activities to do for the club, so I'd be kind of sad if I was just letting down my peeps.

Nerp.

Ya know, I loooove Lady Gaga's song, Paparazzi--it doesn't seem like one of her usual songs, I guess? Also among songs of hers I like that don't seem like "her" is Eh, Eh, Nothing Else I Can Say. Sounds nice and sweet.

Well, that's all for this update~

See ya later, through your window!
The Onion Cat

PS. Confession: I've been doing poorerly in Math recently. Bye!

Restlessness

Looking back is painful enough

to see the accomplishments of a younger me,

an innocent comeuppance I cannot triumph.

Restless I am, in a journey through time.

Hoping for a sanctuary of a safe nest

of fragrant stalks of standards I may rise above.

I look down upon my infancy,

and choke, feeling jealousy, 

at my capacity of responsibility.

Restlessly move on further,

lingering on my segment of budding education,

despising the intelligence and potential I held.

A stride forward yet, and I fall into a pit of black,

of delicious darkness that demanded attention;

I leave it yearning.

Now we are here, in present day,

lacking in talent,

lacking in display.

Losing flexibility,

shirking responsibility,

descending adaptability,

self directed duplicity.

Doggedly onwards,

pushing forth.

Oriented backwards,

fated to fall into the hearth.

- The Onion Cat

PS. I'm finding I really like the rhyming thing in the last stanza xD

Wine Red

A song holds significance,
strange above all others.
Tugging at the heartstrings
of associated time long past.

Unique and special
to my memories within.
The song is alone
in isolation.

A solitary lump of song
in a dark and solemn pool
of past depression
and music suppression.

Never heard before,
or ever since;
introduction by one
where our relationship was a cinch.

Social awkwardness
bridge paths across appearances;
phenotypes irrelevant,
when the psyche trumps the reality.

Song traverses time--
connects me to the past.
Linking me back then when
I wanted pain to last.

- The Onion Cat

Breaking Dawn Part Eye

Kay, so, I just took the trash out, and I happened to see that my mom had Breaking Dawn open and was watching. She'd gotten Breaking Dawn part I from the library, but I didn't want any part in the Twilight Saga anymore because I would get so obsessed mentally with it (and I'll tell you why a bit later).

The movie I actually enjoyed--well, what I saw, and the thing is, I don't intend to watch anymore than I have to. Maybe I'll watch Part two for closure. On the other hand, I'm doing find so far, so why push my luck?

The problem with the Twilight Saga is that...Well, no matter how annoying I find Bella to be, and no matter how bland and lifeless they deliver the lines, or how cheesy the lines are, etc, the fact simply remains that I am immensely jealous of the world they live in. Like, I want so badly to be Bella, so I can turn into a vampire--to make my own decisions and see how or where the story might've changed.

I know this sounds bad, but I want to have the power to kill. I want to be powerful...an outliar...I want to astonish them with the self-control I possess; show them that what Bella did wasn't that special. I probably could have done what she did if I was in her place...and I wouldn't have raved on and on about her baby being male, and exactly like Edward....*shudder*

The problem is that the story seems extremely realistic minus the addition of the vampires, werewolves, etc. Like, the addition is pretty subtle...like an add-on or something. It's enough to make me hunger...when I read the series, my mind would like, yearning to see what powers I'd gain, what I'd do, etc. I'd project myself into the story, and afterwards lie in a daze, wishing I could be a character in there...I wanted to see what would happen--what I'd change...just...what would happen >_<

A weird thing is that I kind of want to lose control...like, I want to lust after blood and thirst for it everyday. It's weird, because when I read it, I wanted to enjoy a taste or a spree--indulging myself freely, with secure knowledge I wouldn't have to stress another day. I want to enjoy the horror that others would feel. If I were a vampire, I'd want to bask in the glow of power.

But I mean, at that point, I sound like a monster. I think I'd have enough control, and ethics instilled in me to not act on those feelings, but I'd love to be tempted.

I'd like to have a  reason like that for angst.

Sorry it's been a while,
The Onion Cat

Kitty Cat opinions, and more Buttersafe!

Okay, so I posted the urls here, then left for a week or whichever to ferment and age. Now, I've finally decided to go back to this blog. It's so weird, how I started the blog with gusto I guess, and now it's like, once every two weeks or so? Actually, I guess this is important to note, because I guess I'm one of those people who can start a project but not end it.

....Weird I didn't notice it until now...

So anyways, I saw a video you'll see here, called "how to deactivate a cat" or whichever, and I have to say, the comments were annoying for me to read, because there were some people who was talking about how the cat was being abused, etc, but I feel like the cat was just fine, never in harms way, etc. *shrug* I mean, experts are experts, right? *shruggo again*

Also, I found another funny comic on Buttersafe, and described it verbally to my mom across the room, and she thought it was funny, so I'm kinda proud I was able to translate the hilarity of the comic found here.




Alright. fast forwarding to now....

I restarted Blue Mystery Dungeon, and finished it, and it was reeeeeeally good. The ending made me tear up and cry a bit >_< Explorers of Time was okay...but... Meh. Maybe because I'm used to Blue Mystery Dungeon?

In Blue Mystery Dungeon, I connected with the characters a lot, with my sidekick having faith in me, etc. The sad part was I leveled up so much in the beginning, everything after that was a bit...easier than I remembered. When I got to the end, everyone crying that I left, left me crying too. Then I came back, and then at that point, the characters lose their characterization, and the world falls flat...You can now evolve your pokemon, but without your sidekick having that personality like it used to...that was upsetting, so to be honest, I wouldn't want to keep playing...

In Explorers of Time, I have to say my overall impress is that it's inferior. I DO like how they added in the genders in the summery or whatnot, instead of leaving it blank so the only thing you have for an indication of gender is the pronoun, but I don't like the top screen character stats they show, because I liked Blue Mystery Dungeon's better. I liked the actual bar indicator for your health. I also liked that the held items were separate inventory than the actual bag, which is no longer the case in EoT Mystery Dungeon. They got rid of the small tabs at the bottom to go directly to items, and moves, and I don't even like the shops anymore. I don't like that the Link shop is Electrive (or however you spell it) and I don't like that the bank is now Duskull instead of Persian. Persian makes MUCH more sense for a bank than a ghost... The town layout is very spread, instead of compact and nice like the Blue Mystery Dungeon, so that was a disappointment. They did get rid of the friend areas, which I think are okay, so now you don't have to waste your money. I also don't really like how you have to be part of that guild...it's kind of annoying and restrictive. I'm also disappointed that I can't kick butt with my pokemon, but I guess that's more of a personal thing than an actual problem with the game.

Meh.

Also, I should probably get a move on with my homework, but I just thought to take a break and work on this. The problem with me is that I have so many little things going on, I can't choose which is higher priority, and then it's all a mess.

Creative Writing Club tomorrow! X_x,
The Onion Cat

PS. Disappointed no My Little Pony this weekend :(

My Mouth...and my weekend

Yeah, my mouth hurts, a lot. It's at the very back, on the right side (my right, your left), where the wisdom tooth used to be. I got my wisdom teeth out in December, and it got all better, but all of a sudden, recently, the gums there have been swelling, and today, it's really painful. It had been swelling for a few days, but I didn't really think there was a problem until yesterday, when eating became a real pain, literally. It hurts a lot...I tried ibuprofen (two pills), but that didn't really work. I tried using a syringe with saltwater because maybe it's swelling because there's gunk there? But nope. The swelling thing is sorta soft...which makes me actually wanna try poking it with a needle to see if it'll drain or something (which is kinda gross, but it'd be worth it if the pain goes away...I'm a sissy when it comes to acute pain in a concentrated area). My mom made an appointment for me to visit the doctor/dentist today, and my brother's going to go to the doctors because he thinks he has bronchitis. Well, whatever he had, I think he gave to me, because I think there's more mucus in my throat now or something. I wanna cough it up, but it hurts to cough because of the swelling, and sometimes it hurts to swallow...I just want it to go away :(

Also, I just found out that I won't be getting the Master Ball in Sapphire version, because I didn't find it in the Team Aqua base. Seriously, I thought I looked everywhere, and when I didn't receive it by the time I got to Kyogre, I just assumed I'd get it after the Elite Four, but nope. I went on Serebii.net, searched "master ball sapphire", and found that I missed my chance. I talked with a friend that also had Sapphire version, and he broke the news to me that I wouldn't be getting a Master Ball. I wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't for the fact that I restarted my game just to get the Latias, because I found out I would only get the Latios in Soul Silver, which made me upset, because I've always wanted a Latias, and the Latias wifi event had already passed a few years ago, so you can imagine my frustration.

The Onion Cat used Frustration!

And I mean, this weekend, I've already been acting pretty cranky for some reason--could it be premonition? My subconscious knew the disappointment I'd face? I mean, to get Latias in Sapphire, you'd need to beat the Elite Four, and beating the Elite Four and the Champion was pretty tough for me. To top it off, I have to do a load of my AP BC Calculus homework. It wouldn't be so bad if I actually knew how to solve them. I mean, I really ought to know, but nothing's coming to me. I keep getting the wrong answers...I just want to give up on everything.

On Friday,  didn't make the deadline for the writing contest I was going to do, because I needed to go to bed, because I'm so stupidly sleep-deprived.

This weekend has been very crappy for me,
The Onion Cat

Once Upon a Time

Mary Margaret! "I choose you!"

No joke, the guy actually said it. Just the part that's in quotes.

dang it, that whole thing where I had an awesome idea for a blog and leaves me just happened D; I guess I'll talk about my scarf.

I started knitting a double-sided scarf. So one side is going to be all furry, and the other side is going to be like, regular yarn. I'm using eyelash yarn and 100% cotton yarn :D it's going to be awesome~

Sorry for another disjointed blog again. I'm busy stressing about Pokemon Sapphire, my math homework I need to catch up on, my other homework, internships, my monthly reading book, and an article for R+D.

Maybe epigenetics has something to do with my stressful tendencies?
The Onion Cat

Fizzy Ginger Ale and it's

FRIDAY!!!!!


That's right, we've survived the week! This week felt less brutal than last week (woah, I almost used the wrong then/than!) but maybe that's just me? One of my favorite teachers agreed about last week, though; it being brutal.

So I was just getting a drink to drink because I needed a drink, and I'd just made a peppermint lemon to replace a peppermint lime I didn't like, but I ended up not liking the lemon one either, so drink only today, I guess? So the only "good" drink was the ginger ale--Actually, since when was milk not good enough for me? It's so weird, because it's like, one day, I switched to soda instead of milk? While we're on the topic of milk, I prefer 2% because that's what I grew up on, but I'll go lighter if I have to. 1% is okay, and skim milk is alright. Whole milk is a no-no. Maybe it's because it feels extra greasy or rich or something, but in any case, I don't like whole milk. Also, it's so unhealthy! Funnily enough, my dad thinks whole milk is like, the healthiest thing in the world....stupid man.

But I digress.

I poured myself a mug of ginger ale, and took a sip. Pow! Lots of bubbles! The ginger ale was soooo fizzy! Which brings me to my point. I don't really like fizzy or uberly bubbly soda, because the bubbles hurt, man D: Like seriously, the ginger ale bubbles are all prickly-ish. Well, not painful, but uncomfortable enough. And other drinks, all you can "taste" is the tang of the bubbles exploding, and you're not drinking anything.

Sorry guy(s), but this needs to be short--I need to do homework.

There's a contest deadline tomorrow I might not be able to make,
The Onion Cat

Average Opinions

I really miss the "old" TV. I'm not talking black and white, because I'm not that old :P I'm talking about PBS; and I say that PBS is "old" TV because now I have cable (ever since the beginning of last year--basically, I'm behind on the cable TV curve), which is the first time in my life, I don't watch a program called Nova Science Now. I still watch science-y programs, like...Mythbusters, and Taboo, but...Nova Science Now...How could I forget the voice correction program, or the program on the vocalizations of birds--how they might give insight onto the verbal tics of people...One such program I've thought about a lot recently was that of average opinion. I've managed to find the short snippet I was thinking about, so here it is:

Watch Dark Matter, Of Mice and Memory, Hany Farid, Wisdom of the Crowds on PBS. See more from NOVA scienceNOW.

Isn't that interesting? I love those extra things at the end--the extra facts that are so interesting? I think I shall call them "interesting facts!" </retarded>

Seriously, I miss Nova Science Now. I learned soooo so much--and that was when I was in elementary school to middle school-ish. Think about if I watched the programs now, when I have more knowledge to help me understand the program. To think I've lost precious knowledge...it breaks my heart, in a way. I suppose I'm hungry for knowledge, but on the other hand, I am deeply reserved and shy. It's difficult for me to cross the social expanse from the outskirts of being a social mute to delve into the depths of the intricacies of speaking to other individuals that I am not familiar with.

Ho hum.

Well, I forgot again,
The Onion Cat

An Original Corny Psychology Joke...At least, I think it's original. I just came up with it @_@

Q: What do you call an overly sexual undergarment for females?

**Picture inserted to block the answer**

**I drew it, btw...On Coral Painter on the computer. Good, huh? :D**

A: Freudian slip.

Poor guy

Imagine you in elementary school. You want to do your best, in school, and become the greatest you can be in life! Your whole life is ahead of you, and you can do anything! You have a few interests, and you have the rest of your life to pursue them!

It's middle school, and you still have the whole world at your feet. Anything is still possible.

It's high school, your dreams are waning, and you realize what you wanted in life may not be, but that's luck.

You're an adult. Somehow, you've made it to a substantial position, where you can influence things--things, to hopefully help your country heal.

And yet...You depart life forever known as one of the most hated men in history.

Who could have known when you were a kid you would end up hated by all? When you were a kid, you hoped you would be successful--to grow up and be admired!

But you just grew up to be Hitler.



Hopefully, I've portrayed the kind of sorry I feel for Hitler. Obviously, he did some pretty bad things (and that's an understatement), but I still feel bad for the child Hitler who didn't know what he would become to the world.

And that's what I wonder every day.

"I grow up now with the best intentions in my heart. But will I be the next Hitler?"

The Onion Cat

The Butter is safe! I repeat: The Butter was yumm- oh wait...

This is my first attempt at fiddling with the schedule feature of this blog, so if I fail miserably, I tried :P

I just wanna talk about a few comics, so here it goes. I may have already mentioned this before, but this comic about mangos and dangos and rhyming fun was really amusing; thanks to my good friend, [insert best friend's name here], for showing me that comic. There was another coming that reminded me of psychology, and that comic could be found here or here, so go check it out (it's the same link)! Poor doggy <3 Yet another one was this one about...well, you'll see.

Speaking of misleading, I'll just compose a short poem to try and mislead you.


Cutting Pink


The sharp blade makes a dangerous sound
as it glides along the fibers,
and cuts through the dead flesh.

The pink matter that was once living,
inorganic now in the hands
of unmerciful beings, slicing it to ribbons.

A teenage girl commands the blade,
driving the cold steel,
commanding with an iron fist.

To hesitate means there will be no clean cut,
and a jagged wound that leaves both halves uneven;
the dead matter slightly unbalanced

She stacks the parts,
dismembered pieces,
all neatly in a stack.

Patience is rewarded;
most of the papers are even.
She carries a stack of half sheets of pink paper to class.

-By The Onion Cat

What think? Was it misleading?

I guess I was just tryin' to be funny, but I should have learned from Clown College,
The Onion Cat

[insert title here]

You know what I hate? Having awesome ideas for my blog throughout the day, but drawing a blank when fingers hit keyboard. It's so weird. The major issue is that I think I've had the same recurring idea every day, but I don't remember it at home. It's almost like when I was little, and when I woke up in the mornings, I wouldn't be acle to remember anything I needed to remember from the previous night, so for example, At night, I'll think "Oh, I need to get more pencils for school," and in the morning, I'll have forgotten that I needed to do that. Etc.

I've been staring at the yarn in this big bin in front of me, and it just makes me want to knit something with the yarn in there. The funny thing is that I rarely finish projects; I just start them. I really wish I had the patience to finish the projects, but I guess they're too tedious--the whole row counting thing...I think it's too much. Even the stitch counting is a bit much for me...I think I'd like to try a project knitting double-sided, since I know how to and it seems fun.

Ew, I have to eat dinner,
The Onion Cat

It's a quickie

How do you pronounce "world"? With two syllables? Because I tend to do that, but apparently it's one (which makes sense; there's only one vowel), so when I said cheerfully "world history fits!" as in, the first line of a haiku, a girl next to me went, "Really!? :D", counted them out, then went, "Oh no they don't, silly Onion Cat!"

...Well okay, they didn't say Onion Cat, but that was the gist of what they said. I just pretended like I was kidding about it, but I felt pretty silly for pronouncing it that way.

To be honest, I probably shouldn't post daily; this week I have soooo much work due/to do, so....yeah

Until next time, this is The Onion Cat, signing out.

Vasovagal Syncope ... lol and stress

**Just as a forewarning, this blog entry contains no real useful information on vasovagal syncope, and so if you have that condition and/or want to know more about it, search elsewhere...Sorry!**

To be honest, this happened a little while ago, but I just remembered it, so why not write about it? I have nothing else to do. I don't want to do my homework.


A few months ago, when I woke up in the morning, I passed out, and then my parents freaked out and they called 911, and it was really weird, and they came, and they took my vitals or something and I had extremely low blood pressure or something, so yeah...

The funny thing is, I felt so horrible while it happened. I felt like I needed to throw up or something, but this was only in my stomach--my head was fine (no headaches etc). Seriously, at the moment, all I wanted for it to do was end. I was struggling to stay up ( not realizing that the best thing for me to do was lie down) and that just made it worse, but man, at the moment that whatever happened happened, all I wanted it to do was just end; it felt that bad.

Another funny thing is that I wish it would happen again, so then I could not tell my parents and just collapse and hit something on the way down so I'd get injured. I don't know why I have such a want for me to get hurt; I just do. Funnily enough, when I was littler, I sometimes wished I would faint or something? That wish is tarnished and stained with age, so it's hard to read now.

lol

I need to draw that sign of a man drowning and post it here :P

So yeah, this is the song playing now; I'll just leave that for you to listen to and enjoy, and I'll just go off and stress myself out over things that are my fault anyways. See ya!





I love Elizabeth Gillies; and Ariana Grande's singing voices,
The Onion Cat

The Brain

Every time I have my AI class, I always leave thinking and pondering to myself about how complex the brain is. I mean, the brain can do pretty complex visualizations from reading; imagery, etc, and every time a sentence is made, there's that possibility that no one has ever said that sentence. Every thought could be something new. I just find it so mind boggling...Of course, the brain isn't prefect--I mean, if they did, we wouldn't have optical illusions!

Speaking of brains not being perfect, something that interests me is the subject of mental disorders. For some reason, I find those interesting. Some subjects I find interesting are, say, depression, inhalants, and, well, that's about it--I also, as mentioned before, have an interest in forensics-y stuff. So, I think it's interesting how they solve crimes, and what they see at crime sites? That kind of thing. I know a lot of random things about forensics. It's weird.

Erm.

Well, this has been another disjointed blog entry, brought to you by the letter--oh wait,
The Onion Cat

Another double bloggy!?

I try to avoid double blogs, but today I just feel so hopelessly worried about typing a cover letter, etc, and the whole prospect of internshipping.

I mean, first of all, I'm afraid of rejection, but who isn't? I'm just nervous about talking with adults in general. I'm very scared of the idea of talking with them, because I can't do small talk in general anyways--I mean, it took me a few months for me to feel somewhat comfortable to talk with the teacher I aide for, and even now it's a bit...quiet? It's not like those back-and-forths between the teacher and those kids--those wonderfully socially gifted people. I mean, it's gotten to the point where today in the shower, as I was shampooing my hair, I was just telling myself over and over and trying to convince myself that it'll be okay, it'll be fine, etc etc, but soon I was wondering to myself where that car was that's suppose to run me over in the future before high school is over.

**That would be so ironic if that happened after I went through the internship process or something; in any case, the reason why I say a car will run me over before I leave high school is because I can't imagine myself beyond high school--but who can, or has? I'm just pathetic.


I mean, thinking about talking with adults etc just sends me into the realm of feeling physically sick. This really isn't helped by the fact I'm very capable of coming up with a nice and hearty list of negatives about me, and that  when it comes to boasting of my abilities, I take the modest approach.

But even if I get past my fear of authority and adults, what about the actual project? I actually doubt I have the creative mind for coming up with a good project for it. I mean, my mom tells me I'm creative (she's also told me I'm pretty, ugly, smart, stupid, etc lol :| ) but what does that mean? All I'm "creative" at is coming up with fake names, usernames, and maybe some story plots; but how is that related to a project? I mean, in school, I'm fed information, and I don't question it. If I smell almond-y aromas from the food, I don't question it--I just eat it up; if they tell me no, it is no; if they tell me yes, it is yes. I can't think of good questions to ask about something--I don't know what I don't know--I just don't get questions during a lecture, etc. If there's some sort of discrepancy, I'm like, the last to pick it up.

I really ought to follow my advice and just suck it up and jump into it, but I've always been the person to slowly submerge myself into the pool--I was never the person to jump right in. I would ease myself little by little into the pool.

**It is possible for someone to drown in a puddle merely inches deep. The main element of this situation is temperature. The water must be cold. The shock of cold water will send a message to the brain, which would send a message to the heart, telling it to stop beating. 


Or so I read in a forensics book.


Things for me, I suppose, have to be gradual. Maybe this is the reason why I'm having such trouble with the internship thing--there really wasn't much segway to it--this was just a huge cliff face to me rather than a gradual slope, although if it was a cliff face, the slope/ramp would be like...miles? xD Ultimately, I guess I'd need to just suck it up.

Listening to music helps me relax. A bit. The weird thing about me is that I have a lot of tidbits of knowledge and interests...let me see and rank what kinds of information I know, starting from most to least?

Greek Mythology/Roman/Latin Mythology
Mythology (more general--so other cultures)
Psychology
Biology/chemistry-ish
Wolves and Ravens
Dolphins...maybe sea mammals
Forensics (the dead bodies kind...not debating or writing or whichever)
Tidbits of information on wild animals
etcetera etcetera...just kidding, that's cheating

But those are just about what I have so far, off the top of my head. Now for interests I guess?

Greek Myths (and by extension, Roman/Latin myths because they ripped off the Greeks)
Other Myths
Psychology
Forensics...you know, the killing people kind ;O
Writing
Drawing
Biology/chemistry
Thermodynamics
Quantum physics
Nanotechnology (or it's more technical term, "Nano-stuff" </lying>)
Wolves, dragons, dolphins, animals in general

So I guess those lists are matchin' up okay...huh

Well, I guess I just need to suck it up or get hit by a car...

Wishin' for the car,
The Onion Cat

Shiny Sapphire Music

I restarted Pokemon Sapphire this weekend! I've been playing it almost nonstop, it's so ridiculous! I'm so happy about it though, because I got a shiny Whismur, and it looks nice :3 but it kinda sucks because if it evolves, it gets 20% less cool each time, so you can imagine my concern. So the only legit shinies I have are a Whismur and a Krickitune, so you can imagine my jealousy over one of my friend's shiny Manectric--badass!

So I'm at Fortree, sos I have like, 6 badges I think? I'm actually making good time--I can finally fly around, so I'm content to stop playing for now. If you'd asked me earlier, I would have said I can't stop, but hey--I need to stop now, to do my homework xD I was hoping that I can get to do my two articles tonight and catch up on that, and then work on my cover letter/resume combo for the application to ASSIP. I didn't work on it yesterday because there was this party for the 10th anniversary for this couple's marriage at church, so yeah. That's my excuse :P

Meanwhile, I've been happily listening to music, borderline on and off stressing about what I'll write for my cover letter, and doing homework. I've also been talking with an old new friend that I hadn't talked to in a while, and it's been fun ^^ Connecting through facebook >:O

To be honest, I'm not big on social networking,
The Onion Cat

PS. As I was filling in the labels...I noticed I didn't watch My Little Pony this weekend! :O BREAK TIME TROLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

PPS. Did you see the My Little Pony reference-ish?

Livin' in a Bubble and self-censorship?

Wow, I start writing these blogs, then get pulled away...Anyhoo, I was sitting at dinner playing Pokemon, and I was reflecting on how I feel like sometimes, I'm just trying to escape life by running away to games and stuff, and I feel like it's messing up my sleeping patterns and my eating patterns, and maybe even my stress levels (which would affect hormone levels, right?). But yeah, I feel like there's some kind of disconnect between my life and the real world, as if the real world is beyond a barrier. Like, the real world is a different world entirely, and the world I live in is sheltered and protected and safe and stiff. I have a hard time feeling my individuality. This might be a cultural thing, since Asian cultures tend to have individuals act for the benefit of the group, so they might be more diplomatic and quiet, since those traits would make it easier to get along in groups, while Western cultures tend to think very individualistically, where individuals act selfishly (I don't mean this in a negative way--I mean they're actions reflect that they think of their own benefit before others'), and traits like independence and extroversion are encouraged, because then people can "go places", etc.

So that cultural split might be a reason behind why I find it hard to feel what part of me is "me", and what other parts are the expectations of others. If you think about it, a person is largely in part constructed by the expectations of others. When I was young, in elementary school or middle school-ish, I had an analogy that I was like a mirror, in that I reflect the thoughts, ideas, and beliefs of my friends. It's true that occasionally I may have a dissenting opinion, but those are so few and far between. This is not to say that I am picking people who tend to have the same beliefs as I do (or am I?) but I feel as if their beliefs rubbed off on me.

I feel like I raised myself. I don't mean I raised myself by finding money to buy food--no no no no no; I mean raising myself morally. When I was little, I had a really heavy conscience. It's like a curse, believe it or not, because although it kept me from doing "bad" stuff, which is good, it instilled me with some kind of belief that I must be perfect. When I was little, there was no excuse for a slip on my part. When I forgot my jacket at school during 1st grade, I couldn't talk about it without crying for like, 2 or 3 days after the event happened, and as you can see here, I still remember it. Such a trivial thing brought about my own mental wrath. My parents, I feel, are more forgiving to me than I am. It's so odd. My brother shared a story with my mom once, in middle school, and he was saying how his friends and him were messing around or something, and my mom found it funny. Honestly, I was shocked. To me, because of my strong sense of whatever it is, I was taken aback at how my mom could condone such behavior (I don't remember what my brother did, but I know I didn't approve). Later I asked my mom about it, but I don't remember what she said. I think she was confused ' ~ ' Anyhoo, this heavy conscience of mines carried itself along, making me feel stressed and serious in elementary and middle school. It started drifting away in middle school, but the serious nature it made me have in elementary school was certainly a contributing factor to that friend I said a while back being scared of me.

My parents always said I was mature for my age. Now, I've definitely been getting more and more immature with my friends, which would indicate that I'm finally loosening up, but at what price? I feel like I've missed my childhood. Throughout when I was a kid, I feel like I missed something, and now, me acting immature is some way of making up for it. It's so pathetic. I mean, as a kid, I kept my head in the books, schoolwork, Nintendo games, and PBS TV, like Wetakids. (I loved watching Clifford the Big Red Dog, Arthur, and Cyberchase. Later, like, early high school later, I'd also love watching Bob the Builder and Make Way for Noddy, and stuff. If I go before Cyberchase, I remember Jay Jay the Jet Plane, and The Magic School Bus.)

Bleck. I don't know what the dealio is with me >o<

Also, I was reflecting that since sharing this blog with some of my friends (like, 2. Oh, and my mom, but she hasn't read past like, the first post :P), I started wondering if I should start watching what I say on this blog. I mean, what if I write, complaining about them *cough* and then they read it? I mean, wouldn't that be awkward? It's like, "Oh, sorry I was stating all these things that I didn't like about you. :B I mean, it's not like I Want You Gone or anything..."

Because that's just meeeeeeeeeeeeeeean... Dang I'm weird.

Speaking of weird/win (they're obviously the same thing), the shows I am currently watching are as follows (in no particular order):

Being Human
Taboo
What Would You Do?
Face Off
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Season 2

Tired and stuck in AP Stat homework,
The Onion Cat

And remember... I WANT ARTICHOKES!

***NOTE: THIS PICTURE IS NOT MY WORK! IT IS TOO PRETTY TO ME DRAWN BY ME***

A Dozy of a Blog: New Blogger format, Grades, and stress...also, Pokemon...and also a "Bolg Review"

Woah now, it's a new format! Well, I found the lil link in the upper right telling me to switch to the new style, so, like what I do with the voices in my head, I obeyed.

Well, I had a whole blog planned out but I got derailed by Youtube, and then Pokemon, so yeah...but hey--I was going to talk about them anyways! D:

Back to the blog!

*whoosh* so, today, we got back grades in school. I got a 4. out of 10.

Actually, I just got sidebarred by my friend's story, so I'll write the review right here so it'll look all nice, and maybe when she gets to be a famous writer, I'll cite this blog and say I helped her get there ;O

A Bolg Review: Fleeting Lucidity


Let me start off by saying it is so refreshing to read a wonderful piece that is not my own, and yet emulates many of my favorite parts of my own writing, or what I like to include. The vocabulary used--refreshingly not my own. I rather liked the adjectives, the perfection of the world in the beginning as the story starts out. The picture painted by the writer was indeed vivid, subtle, and "soft". As for me, the imagery created by the author had an ethereal kind of look to it, if one could call it that, as the images were fuzzy and surrounded by halos--that heavenly look. 


Overall, the style was wonderful, the plot was excellent, and to reiterate, the story behind it was deep. 


Throughout the story, during the rising action, I drank up the words and fit myself snugly into the world being weaved by the author. At first, I sank readily and watched the young woman and her love unfold before me; but as the story progressed, I began to notice the little 'things', that, though escaped unnoticed by the characters, caught my attention. One such thing was the absence of other people. The execution of this story element was amazing; effective yet subtle. In fact, the only mention of other people than the two beloved are referenced as a crowd, and therefore more a prop than a crowd of people--this prop is easily forgotten, and soon, all that is left is a seemingly empty world. The noticing that the cameras were empty (well, the fact there was a room like that was suspicious enough for me) was actually well inserted into the storyline, as it does no interrupt, and the author gives it like it is to the reader for the reader to take heed or ignore. Another little thing that caught my attention was the fact that the young woman didn't remember where the lake was, and the repeated notion that she'd been "gone too long". 


The climax was amazing, and the jolt of the realization was very...jolt-y :) 


My only problem would have to be the ending; there are several ways of ending this particular story, and though this would not have been my way, I found it written well enough that I'll be willing to overlook this transgression ;) In all seriousness, the ending, thought not what I had expected, drives home the point and the metaphor of this story. The ending of the story (I won't reveal it here, but trust me; it's epic) carries such weight, and certainly makes the reader ponder his or her own life.


I am definitely not the number one review, nor am I the best at reviewing. However, I will say this about it:


Nice.


Well, that's going to take up a huge chunk of space. I'd read it over to edit, but hey--tldr.

Anyways, today at dinner, we ate lobsters my mom cooked because I managed to get really nice grades on my report card, and my brother got accepted into another college. Afterwards, my mom asked my brother on behalf of me and asked him what he did to contact internship peoples. I listened, and it was nice; I felt somewhat comforted, and had that attitude of "okay, maybe it'll be alright," but soon after, I got really anxious, so I guess not trolololololol.

So yeah, I started playing a bit of Soul Silver to get a Khangaskan, but I can't seem to get it on the Pokewalker! Just stupid Doduos Dx

Just heard "In My Life" by the Beatles after such a long time (literally, around a decade or so, so back when I was about 5 or 6...maybe even younger?) and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I don't know the names of many Beatles songs, but I recognize some of them because I've heard them when I was very very young and haven't heard them since, so their songs tug a lot of heartstrings when I hear them and recognize them from deep within my past. It makes me miss who I was...

If you're reading this, I am congratulating you,
The Onion Cat

As for me...this blog post?

tldr

Starfruit, fruit, and Jeopardy

Well, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get scurvy anytime soon; I've been eating/drinking/consuming so many acidic fruits, my teeth are sensitive!

Yesterday, I had juiced two limes and made some potent and slightly bitter limade (I squeezed the limes too much). In addition, I had kumquats, both the skin AND the sour inside, and then I had a nice starfruit later :) There must have been soooooooooooooo so much acid in what I ate, and so much vitamin C, I should be covered xD

I loooooove starfruit <3 I also love mangoes (and Brother Tucker's Grit-Breaded Bass (whole)), artichokes, and strawberries. I also happen to love celery, cilantro, and cauliflower! Broccoli is pretty good too, 'long as it's cooked and all. Today for dinner, I ate a whole ton of hash browns xD

Speaking of dinner, right afterwards, Jeopardy was playing! Is it just me, or can Jeopardy be really easy sometimes? Or like, really easy to guess? Wheel of Fortune I'm quite good at, and Jeopardy I can be good at as well. Maybe not $100,00 good, but like, good enough I probably won't be in the negative? I mean, if there's a "myth" category, I'm confident that I can knock it out of the sky; Greek mythology is even easier, and Roman mythology isn't too different--I just have to mind the names.

**I'd like to note the reason why the general category "myth", I might also excel is because usually the myths chosen are Greek, Roman/Latin, Norse, Egyptian, or maybe Hindu; Greek and Roman, again, I've got, Norse, I know their gods and their representations [as well as a bit of Beowulf and yeah], Egyptian, I know a handful of the gods--not much, but probably enough, and Hindu would be the weakest, although the answer is probably "Shiva" (just like how in my World History class, the answer is always Islam!)


But, I digress. I was thinking about what to write in my book, and I just realized I ought to work on the competition works xD I haven't worked on my contest submissions in a while. Maybe I'll be able to see them in a new light and make improvements etc.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled pythons while Mary had a genetically modified unicorn,
The Onion Cat

Youtube again, stress-y, tired-y, and y-e-a-h

It's like, 11:15 PM, and I'm still trudging along with my AP World History notes. We're reading about the 3 Muslim Empires, and I need a break from being distracted, and so I'm trying to focus my energy on this, so that once I have my energy focused, I can try apply that focus to my homework. I kinda doubt it'll work though.

I've been distracted with youtube again. I try not to, but it's like, I read a sentence, and do like, a reading stutter where I read the same sentence over and over again, and the funny thing is that I'm not actually reading--it's more like scanning with my eyes, but not processing. It's the environment. To be honest, I think I might be needing a chair and table or something. I'd work in my room, but my mom doesn't like that, and who knows? Maybe I'd just nap.

I think the reason for my stress about the internships is because I don't have enough time in my day to invest the proper about of hours into research/looking into the opportunities. Seriously, my shyness is really starting to hurt me. I'm hoping it'll get better, but I think this is residual scaredness of my teacher from freshman year. I mean, blahblahblah I'm so mixed up on my stress. Time for a stress mint! Ya know, I'm not sure they actually work; maybe it's more of a placebo, but hey--if it works, who am I to argue? I always feel that rip of anxiety--maybe I'll incorporate that image into my picture, instead of a hole--it's a rip? Hm.

I'm tired. Last night I stayed up doing homework I thought was due today, but was actually due tomorrow. At least I don't have to do it now, and I have more time to do other things other than homework my homework.

Well, it's 11:20 PM now. I guess I ought to get back to work. It sucks, sitting here on the floor and doing homework, because I have to slouch my head down for long periods of time maybe, leaning back is like, I can't because I lean against the couch and it was a weird bump thing that hurts my spine, and my thighs burn from inactivity. Wow. This must be really unhealthy @_@

Honestly, I think it's kind of funny when I read in those suicide/depression slips, they say if your friend or whoever is saying about suicide, etc, the whole shebang, because I've been suicidally in my head, and I'm still here...As of now :P I mean, it's kinda weird, my mind? It's like, I have two "me"s (I bet you've heard of this before), and I argue with myself. There's "me" playing the victim, and the other one, that treats me good or bad, depending on what I need. Sometimes, she's really harsh with me, and yells at me a lot, and I cry, but sometimes, when I cry and she's feeling charitable, she tries to cheer me up and calm me down. I suppose she's like a double-edged sword? Difficult to live with sometimes, that's for sure. The thing is, she's quieted down. A lot. Like she's nonexistent, and honestly, I miss her a lot too. I mean, despite the association between her and my really off behavior and emotions, like depression, I really really miss her. It's like I'm an emotional masochist, if that makes sense. I mean, in the moment, all I wish is for it to end, but when it's over, I wish it hadn't or something. It's like my opportunity to know that I can feel, and that I'm capable of feeling.

But yeah, I really miss her.

...I am so crazy xD I mean, thinking about it now, my head seems so lonely (well THAT doesn't sound schizophrenic at all) without her in my head to argue with me.

Bleck, 11:35 PM! ...I'm so weird.

I named her Lumera and she called me "mi amor",
The Onion Cat

Youtube Comments and Stress. Again.

I'm crazy about youtube comments, but I've been taking some screencaps of some particular comments I wanted to share.

Exhibit A:
I found these comments on Chris Crocker's song, Freak of Nature, and the first time I was there, I saw this comment below, by NicoleLynnDevil. Then, someone copy pasted part of that message and posted it as a comment. After a few months, the copy pasted comment was top comment, while NicoleLynnDevil's comment wasn't.

 What I think is very wrong is that this person is getting credit for a self-admitted copy paste, and it's just so injust! I hate it because they copy pasted someone else's comment, and reposted it, and they didn't add they copy pasted whatever it was.

Exhibit B:
On Legendary - Episode 28: Present Time by EthosLab, I found some top comments that I thought were funny.

Exhibit C:
I think these two comments are very valid comments. These are the top comments for Minecraft MLG Protip #3: Jumping by CilantroGamer. (as of now, those comments both have over 9000 100 thumbs up! :O)

Exhibit D:
'nuff said. I found these gems on Portal - Credits Song 'Still Alive'. I thought it was funny :P

Well, it's Friday, but because I forgot to mark Monday off, my whole week was shifted a day. Now I have SATs tomorrow, and nothing seems to be easing my stress right now. I feel like I have a ton of homework due on Monday, and heap the SAT's on top of that, and you've got a Stress Sundae. It's not quite delicious. Oh! I guess I'll work on my pictu- well, in all logical followings, I really should be working on homework (Oh yay, I just remembered about internships too...). Seriously, I think I will start on homework. Well, try to. Oh gosh.

*stressanxiousstressanxiousstressstressstressstress*

Oh I love this song. Maybe next time I ought to talk about my musical preferences?

For now I'll talk about my numerical preferences ;D

I realize this may sound really nerdy or something (You newfangled kids with your newfangled dictio- oh wait, I'm a newfangled kiddo too! :O), but numbers I prefer will change with a situation, and there are many parameters to this.

My favorite number is 24, and immediately behind it are it's factors. Now, I normally prefer 4, and then 6, but 12 and 3 are also close seconds. 8 is a nice number too, but as a pair with 3, (I think of the factors as in pairs) it becomes less favorable. I suppose it's because 38 or 83 I find as not quite attractive, though I seem to like 83 more than 38. I also like 2; it's okay, but sometimes I find it ugly. For example, two dots arranged horizontally. I'd rather have 3 dots in a line, or just 1. 4 is "meh", I'd still rather have an odd number. Other times, I prefer even numbers, like if you have to divide something, so if you have 6 marbles as opposed to 5. I'd like 6 because then you can divide it in half and have two groups of 3, and you can arrange the marbles into a honeycomb-y pattern, but on the other hand, 5 is more of a flower shape. With 5, you can arrange the marbles into a cube of 4 and try to balance the last marble on the others. With 5, you can arrange them into a "V" pattern, but I'd like 3 for that, because then it makes a triangle. I wouldn't like 2 or 4 marbles though.

Numbers can also "look" pretty or ugly for me. Like, 89 looks nice and friendly, while 63 is a bit more neutral. 2011 isn't that attractive, and neither is 2013. 47 isn't too fantastic, but it's okay. I don't like 93 as much as, say, 92, while 37 is more like, ya gotta be careful. I'd still like it though, since it's a number composed of two factors of 21. I like the number 21, and hence also the numbers 3 and 7.

I guess these number preferences are analogous with color preferences or something...?

Someone should study what makes numbers attractive,
The Onion Cat

Good Teachers are Good, and Psychiatry

Today I was walking from my math class to where I aid for a teacher, and I started thinking and it was quite an interesting experience about good and bad teachers. As I was leaving math, these classmates were talking about this one teacher and how they hated him/her etc., you've all heard about that teacher no one likes, right? That sorta got me thinking about how people tend to bash people more easily than they compliment.

Or something. It's hard to explain, without making it sound strange or not logical or something, but basically, people seem more ready to bash someone than talk about the good people.

Also, what is psychiatry? I thought that was like, the person who goes "And how does that make you feel?" kind of thing, and psychology is more like the research aspect.

It annoys me when I say I'm interested in psychology and people ask me "Oh, so you're interested in working with people?" (or that sort of question), and I'm like, noooooo I hate working with people T^T I'm more interested in how or why, and honestly, I'd rather work with animals than people.

People research has a whole bunch of moral stuff around it, whereas for animals seem to not quite have the same barrier. I'm not saying that's a good thing. I'm just saying people are all okay about "oh cool, little mice that grow up alone are thisthisthis" whereas people are NOT okay about separating children from their parents forever. Well. You know what I mean :P

Sometimes I think it's funny when people say homosexuality is not "natural". If they mean homosexuality doesn't happen in nature, it does. I'm not talking about zoos, where there are cases of homosexual animals, I'm talking about the wild. Apparently dolphins act homo sometimes, and some apes, etc. I read there was a swan pair people called "Romeo and Juliet", but it turned out they were gay (the picture was labeled "Juliet and Juliet" with a short subtitle following). I wonder how sexuality of an organism is defined. I suppose maybe when I finally take AP Psychology next year, I should learn all about it.

In a somewhat related conversation thread, have you noticed how psychology doesn't have the same prestige as other sciences? For example, psychology doesn't seem as "big" as neuroscience or neurology....ya know, study of the brain, whatever it's called. I mean, they're kind of sister subjects, right? Psychology is the software component and neuroscience is the hardware component, right? At least in my mind. So because of this, I'll probably major in neuroscience and minor in psychology or something.

"What a choppy blog I have today!"
"All the better to express my thoughts!"
And The Onion Cat snapped up Little Red Riding Hoo- oh wait.

Anxious again

Well okay, let's be honest. This time, it was totally my fault I'm anxious now, because it's 10:30 PM, the walls are closing in, and I hadn't been working all day. Actually, I'm still not working. I'm typing this, and this isn't work. So today, on the ride from school, I played on my DS Lite all day, playing Pokemon, and then when I got home, I had a drink and continued playing DS on the couch with the TV on, and basically, I played Pokemon all day, or watched Youtube videos. After dinner, I finished watching some Youtube, and when shopping with my mom, because I needed some feminine products *coughcough*. When we got home finally, it was like, 9:15 PM ish, and after that, I played Pokemon and scraped up some Youtube videos to watch.

Geez, I need to focus. now it's around 10:30 PM or so, and I finished up AP stat homework, which was just reading, and now I have to do AP History homework. The problem is that I don't have any questions about the passage, and that really sucks because it's literally half of my homework--have three questions about the passage, and why they're important >_< I'm a very non-question-y person!

Plus, all the stress and anxiety about the homework I haven't done yet is really getting to me, and making me think about the future and how terrifying it is, and the internships and how I need to grow up but I really don't feel ready, and how I just want to cry.

Double blog all the way!

Well, I just had dinner and it's not like I've just noticed it, but I'm a bit peeved at him so I'll just talk about him right now.

My dad.

Yeah. My dad is a complete and utter @$$hole, jerk, etc. I'd say loser, but that seems to be too 'light' of a term. My father is really frustrating to deal with. I kind of hate him, but he's my dad, so I have to like him if not a little. I find him quite intolerable to live with. He steals our things. If you're not careful, he'll take your stuff. It's not like we're just leaving them on the floor to trip over, and he just takes them and moves them. I mean, he takes your things and makes them his.

A few weeks ago, my dad almost stole my new flashlight. Let me paint the beautiful picture of Christmas Day.

It was Christmas day, and my father, as usual, took pictures of us opening gifts as he usually does, every year. On Christmas, my mother got some perfume, a watch with interchangable faces/straps, and some other things. My brother got a laptop, a flashlight, and some other things. I got a laptop, flashlight, a watch with- well, I got a lot of things. I don't remember what my dad got. So among the things my brother and I got was a flashlight, from our mom.

This flashlight was amazing. It was $25 according to the sticker, but knowing my mom, she probably got it for less. Anyways, I really thought it was amazing because it has three light settings (not including off). There's the normal flashlight setting, and then there's the "off" setting. There's also a setting where you click it and LEDs in the handle lights up so you can see lots more, and there's the last setting where it makes red LEDs blink, making it good for car emergencies. There's also a magnet on the butt of the handle.

All those cool features coupled with the fact it was from my mom made this flashlight very special to me. Probably not as much to my brother since he already has an uber cool flashlight, but back to the story. So, I carried it around that day, but because of the magnet on the end of the handle, I decided to leave it in my room so the magnet wouldn't mess up electronics. Then, a few days later, the flashlight was needed, so I took it down and did whatever needed doing, and since I didn't want to keep running up and down the stairs, I put it on my java textbook from school, where it was sitting on my corner of the table. I like to think it was clear it was my corner; after all, my backpack was resting on the table leg on that corner, and all my stuff covered that half of the table.
**I would like to note that only my brother and I use that table. Not my mom. Not my dad. My brother and me exclusively.
So after I left it sitting on the textbook, things happened, a few hours passed, and my dad left on some errand or something. Well, I passed by the table and noticed the flashlight was gone. I wasn't too freaked out, because I tend to lose things, so I asked my mom if she knew where it had gone. Turns out, my mom said my father had needed to use a flashlight or something and had taken it. I searched for my flashlight, wondering where my dad had taken it, or what he had needed to use it for, and found it in a side pouch of his backpack. He was going to take it.

Take it to his place, and keep it. My father was going to take my new flashlight.

I would like to note here, I say "his place" because my father has moved out of the house because he is a semi-cheating f**k. He sends scary huge amounts of money to a scammer in the Philippines, and based on the emails he's sent, I'm sure it's safe to assume he wants to marry her (the scammer) or something (as in get a bang for his buck, if you know what I mean).

You may be thinking "Oh that's not true, why would he want to marry a stranger?"

Ask him, not me. He's the one that wants a divorce from my mom.

You may be thinking (this is about the flashlight) that it may have been a mistake, and he didn't know it was mine.

Well, my response is this. 1) He took pictures on Christmas Day, including me with the new flashlight, and if his bloody mind was actually there, he might have noticed the new flashlight was a GIFT that belonged to me! Even if he didn't remember it belonged to me, the only other person it could have belonged to was my brother! ...2) The flashlight was on my stuff! It was in my "space". It was on my region of the table that he doesn't even use!

You may be thinking "Well, this is a one-time thing. You're over-reacting, silly female teenager with raging hormones who is blowing this up with TNT!!! out of proportions." Well, I'm sorry to say, this is not a one time thing.

Today, my brother found out my father had taken the USB he'd been looking for. I don't know all the details, but it basically mirrors that of my flashlight story.

I'm going to go make ice cream,
The Onion Cat

Cell phone, Chinese New Year, and I don't feel good

I watched EthosLab's Race for the Wool Finals and it was awesome~ But let's get on with the blog.

I finally remember the subject I couldn't remember like, two or three blogs ago! It was my cell phone! I lost it. Which is really odd, because the last memory I have of it was going "Oh yeah, I should bring my cell phone out, since I'm getting older and we're all going out," so I had to run and snatch my phone out of my pouch where it was in my bag for school during exams. And I couldn't find it since. Pretty sure I put it in my pocket, but if it wasn't in the pocket, it should have been in the car, which it wasn't. Soooo I'm at a lost, and I feel really guilty about it, because I've sort of given up hope of ever finding it :|

Also, Happy Chinese New Year! It's the Year of the Dragon! Yay!

Yeah, I don't feel good. I started not feeling good while I was playing Minecraft, and I had to quit because I felt so guilty. I feel this way every time we're returning to school after a break and I haven't done any work because it's a BREAK or something. I mean, honestly, now that I have to have an internship over the summer, it's made me feel like I'm never going to ever have a nice moment of relaxation, and that life from here on out is all going to be work and just isn't worth living. So because of that view, I try and just play over the breaks and weekends and enjoy myself, but once I get to the last day, then I keep thinking I should have done work, and then I feel extremely stressed, and that pretty much cancels out all the de-stressing that I've been trying to do. This time around, it was mostly due to the internship and all, and how I should have looked over the sites, and I can just feel the deadlines for turning in applications looming ever closer, and I feel sick to my stomach, and I want to cry because the internships are driving me nuts making me crazy making me feel sick just stressing me out soooo so much all of the above but I can't do anything about it, because I know that getting an internship will give me a really huge edge over like, everyone else in college applications, but quite frankly I don't really want an internship because of all the work. Now of course, that makes me sound like I'm an extremely lazy person, and maybe I am, but the reason why I don't want to do it because of all the work is because of how stressed and anxious I feel about it all. It gives me all this pressure, and it doesn't help that I harp on what it may be like talking to an adult that's knowledgeable in the field, because I'm already a mess talking to an adult, but this is someone I don't know! Not to mention the "initial contact", because that makes me feel sick and want to cry as well, and of course, all my concerns will just be written off as the outcome of a female teenager with raging hormones who already has a natural tendency of excessive worrying.

I don't have a persecution complex.

...I really don't O_o;

So anyways, now that I've vented a bit, I'll just talk about the dream I had last night. Last night/this morning, in my dream, I was supposed to be in a play. I think it was Shakespearean, and I was playing the part of a girl named Rosalind. This play was NOT As You Like It, or an actual play in real life. It was a made up play that my brain decided Shakespeare would be the author of, and it just so happened I liked the name Rosalind. I might have been Rosalina, actually. Or Rosalinda. Anyhoo, that's not quite important. The point is, the dream was kinda long, and there was a house or something....There was a building where there was a stage, and that was where we were going to put on the play. The dream spanned several days, from the day of the casting to show night, but my dream didn't reach the part where I went onstage.

So, from what I remember, we were casted, I got my part, and I was a bit excited, but long story short, opening night came and for some reason, my lines weren't memorized, but I could use notecards, and I hadn't been fitted with the costume, and it was kinda weird, because it was as if I wasn't quite 100% ready, but everyone else was.

...Wow, that is a perfect metaphor for my life O_o Everyone is so far ahead of me and ready to go, and I'm lagging behind. Ouch </3

Whelk, I guess I should play some Pokemon?

Still don't know "who" vs "whom",
The Onion Cat

PS. Speaking of who vs whom, I have SAT's coming up this coming Saturday. Wish me luck!

Longest entry ever

Encountered first wild Tynamo

I'll talk about my cell phone and that other subject I can't remember later. Was it my dad?

I'm such a troll,
The Onion Cat

Is trolling hereditary?

Full from Playing

Woah. Dare I say it? Am I actually...cold updating every day? That's amazing! It's a miracle!

*sets down TNT* I'm playing too much Minecraft. Let's not blow this out of proportion.

Alright, so it's Saturday... *uber sad face* that means the weekend's just started, which means school is just around the bend. So today I just played a lot of Minecraft. I made two snow golems, but that might have been yesterday...I totally don't remember. But these sheep are so annoying to deal with! I'm trying to think of a good way to fence them in. Maybe I should use whole glass blocks? They're so annoying to deal with x_x If they escape from their cage, which is probably a complicated glitch/lag/in-a-block-then-I-wander-away kind of thing, then it's such a bother trying to put them back in their proper place. Maybe I'll have a water column just so it's easier to put them back into their cages. I'd definitely be happier.

Yesterday I remembered a topic, but I didn't feel like going back to edit the post or do a double post, so yeah...I've since then forgotten.

I also played Pokemon Dream World, and trained my Deino a bit. My mom tried to talk to me and show me something on TV while I was doing that flying game. I couldn't help being a bit snappy, but I hope I'm forgiven.

I've been listening to my playlist on youtube for music. I love music, but according to someone I know, the music is "too mainstream", that jerk. I guess I'm just a really horrible friend for saying things like that, but I feel like he ends up insulting people sometimes and the things he says, he doesn't really consider the effect it would have on me/my friends. *shruggo* I used to like him for his sense of humor, and how funny I thought he was, but the key words in this are "used to" and "was", because I don't like him anymore, or as much. He's still my friend, but he's more on the border or fringes of my BFF circle. I mean, he criticises my drawing, writing, he doesn't quite approve of my music, and the same goes for my girl BFF; he has similar opinions about her work too (I think. But I could be wrong </toString>).

Ironically enough, he hangs out a lot with this guy I happen to find really annoying, and I dunno, the thing that really gets me about the guy he hangs out with is like....everything a lot of things.... For example, he's so thin etc he looks like a skeleton (their words, not mine), but I think the reason that bothers me so much is because this person I know says he has perfect proportions or something. Well, not to me.
**As a sidenote, I just realized, I really really hope none of these people I'm talking about without favor ever read this, because they'd be sooo insulted. I guess. I might have already voiced my opinion in slightly better tones to them irl, but still. I'm being pretty jerkish right now.
I also don't find him attractive (just average).

I can't wait for Monday, because that's Chinese New Year! :D Then I can give my mom a surprise I got her~ I can't wait for her birthday, which is like, in November. Actually, correction, it's not "like" in November, it IS in November :P

What does 'jargon' mean again? I didn't know, then I remembered/semi-understood, but then I forgot again.

My hands are cold and I talked about random stuff and I'm about to eat dinner,
The Onion Cat

PS. Have a good day and eat your meals! :D

What really eats away at me is...

Well, I don't remember. I had an idea, but I lost it, so I'll have to talk about the second subject that I DO remember. I remember the second but not the first because I thought up the introduction to it, so here it goes.

Speaking of eating, today, my family and I went to a restaurant to eat, and I got a big plate of food, and it really got on my nerves when they started teasing me that I could eat and finish it, and it really annoyed me because I knew I probably could. The funny thing is that I can't say anything about it because then they'll get all offended and defensive, and then I'll feel like they're pinning it all on me, as if it's my fault for feeling the way I do, and thinking since they're family, that they'd try to understand, but they never do, so it's not like I'm going to hold a grudge or anything </sarcasm>.

But it got me thinking, because the problem with me is that when I eat, I have a tendency to not eat. What I mean by this is if I'm hungry, I'll eat, but once the hunger is sated, I'll just slow my eating or stop, so I never actually eat until I'm full very often. So today, that sort of happened, and I had eaten almost all of my plate. I really had just a small pile left, that I could have easily finished, but since I was playing on my DS Lite, and I wasn't hungry anymore, I was just picking at my food. Looking back, I should have just asked to save it for later, because I love eating leftovers, or I should have just plain finished it, but you know how teenagers are. So my mother and brother think I have a small stomach and they'll keep on teasing me. I hate being teased by my family, even if they're just joking. I remember a while ago, when I was still in elementary school--1st to 3rd grade--a something I wanted on my wish list was "respect". Needless to say, no one understood it or paid heed to it, but that's all in the past; no grudge here.

...I actually don't hold grudges. I think. Never mind, I'm not sure.

Actually, that kind of reminds me. I do this weird thing where I wish people would recognize the work I do and stuff, but when they actually do, I start acting all humble etc. You know those people. I guess I'm one of them? I try not to be, but I guess the thing is, when they actually say it, it doesn't sound so impressive to me, so it isn't. Actually, thinking back, what they praise me on is different from the stuff I wish they'd notice. It's getting late, so ABRUPT ENDING TIMEEEE!!! :O

Actually, I say actually a lot ;O
The Onion Cat

CVS, Minecraft, and Bees

Hey everybody! It's Thursday today, but I'm going to try and pretend it's Friday so the weekend is so much sweeter!

Anyhoo, today was my last day for exams! Yay! I hope I did alright on all my exams. I would love it if I got straight A's this quarter. I used to get them all the time, and now that I don't, I feel very inferior > ~ <. So after I took my exam, and the exam period ended, I went to the bathroom and was planning to just sit outside and play Pokemon until my mom could come pick my brother and me up. Well, I walked outside, and it was too cold to bear, so I just walked back inside, and went to look for one of my friends, Sriramya, because I had let her use my calculator. Well, I glanced into the cafeteria, which was the study hall/concentration camp, so I decided to walk to town. I was hungry, so I figured I'd head on over to Subway, but I was also really craving some Peach Rings, so I decided to head over to CVS too. Well, I also wanted to have a look see around and maybe do some shopping because I don't usually go shopping alone/without my family, so I thought I could do a bit of preemptive gift shopping.

So I guess it takes me about ten to fifteen minutes to walk to CVS, and I was actually a bit nervous because I was walking alone. I normally go with my friends, but my friends didn't have exams today, so that option was out, but I didn't want to go into the concentration camp either, because once you go in, I don't think you can get out very easily. (Elaborating on that, yesterday, as the study hall/camp was just getting started, the security guards starting ushering people in, and at that point, everyone that was in there started trying to get out, blocking the door. My friends and I turned tail and ran out the back down. It was hilarious xD) So I was off to CVS alone. I got there, and immediately went to find those Peach Rings. Since this wasn't my first time, I got them quickly, but since I had a lot of time to burn, I started poking around.

**Note, this is the same CVS as the earlier post, but this time I had no trouble. Probably because I was alone? maybe?

I found some cute stuffed animals saying "I love you!" or those lines and whatnot, and I wanted to maybe buy one for my mom. I found a tiger holding a heart that said "Wild About U!", and that was what I wanted to get, since my mom was born in the Year of the Tiger. I also saw a bear holding a heart, and that was cute too. I also considered chocolate, but my mom's been avoiding chocolate, so I didn't want to do that to her. So I walked down aisle by aisle. I saw some Physician Formula stuff, and totally wanted to get it, because it was new and I wanted to try it, but I have enough makeup stuff :( I also saw Burt's Bees Almond Milk thingy >_>; It's a hand cream that I've been wanting to try, and I thought I might give to my mom because it helps dry skin and Burt's Bees is supposed to be a good brand, but I opened the two jars that were there, and both seemed pretty icky (as in someone dipped their finger in to try it or something) so I didn't buy it.

In the end, I bought a bag of Peach Rings and a My Little Pony activity book for myself. Hey--before you say anything, it had two posters and 30 stickers! Of the My Little Pony TV series! Jackpot! Oh, and the activities pages aren't too bad I guess >_> But yeah, I thought my haul today was pretty good.

It was about 1 PM when I finally left, so I headed back to school. When I got back, I just sat outside where I originally was planning on playing Pokemon. To be honest, I don't remember what I did there. I think I just sat and speculated. I tend to do that a lot when I'm alone. I don't think I talked out loud to myself, so I guess there's some relief.

-----

I played Minecraft

-----

I was reading a Buttersafe comic and it reminded me of Bee Movie. I don't like Bee Movie, because it's completely wrong. Well, it's not completely wrong, I'm sure, but there are some aspects that really get on my nerves. For example, the portrayal of the pollinators? It's completely wrong, and it totally irks me. I'm not talking about how they carry tanks. I'm fine with that. I don't like that the pollinators are portrayed as extremely masculine, with all the female bees fawning over them, because in real life, pollinators are not male. They are female. ALL the worker bees are female. Now, you may ask yourself, "If all the worker bees are females? Which bees are male?" Male bees are called drone bees. Drones cannot fly. They never leave the hive. They cannot fly. They are smaller. They cannot fly. They have shorter lives. Did I mention they can't fly? Literally, their only role in the hive is to mate with the Queen so the Queen can continue laying eggs. It's still important. But you'd have to agree, it's kind of pathetic.

I also want to point out that the same is true in ant societies. Worker ants are all sterile females; as is with bees. In ant society, the only purpose of the male (as far as I know, but I'm not ant expert) is for mating with the Queen.


So, that's my rant on Bee Movie and why I don't like it. And also my day.

Long post! :O
The Onion Cat

Procrastination

So yeah, I meant to write an entry on Friday, but now it's Monday. Pretty bad procrastination, eh? I was playing Minecraft the whole time. Kind of. Anyways, I have a problem of procrastination and that always gives me loads of stress, because I stress easily on a lot of stuff, so the combination of procrastination and easily stressing just sucks. But besides being uncapable of writing anything cohesive, the reason why I wanted to write an entry on Friday was because of something that happened at CVS.

So my friends and I were at CVS because we finished exams, and so we were walking around town waiting for the buses to come and take us home. So, we walked to CVS, walked in (it was uber cold, and this stranger guy, as we were heading towards the door, turned to us and said "You guys look f**kin' cold" or something--it was really awkward because we didn't know him at all, and he just cussed at us. Anyways), and started browsing the makeup aisles because it was closest to the door, and well, I'm a girl, and my friend is a girl, and my third friend was a guy stuck hanging out with two girls, so he had no choice =P. After poking about and squealing about Physician Formula's new products, we followed the aisle to the back, and giggled at a makeup display--someone put lotion or something on the cardboard so it looked like she was crying or something. Then, all of a sudden, a woman approached us and told us to leave our backpacks in the front of the store. I'm not going to lie; we all felt a bit offended.

This isn't to say we don't understand why she would ask this of us. After all, we're teenagers, in a small group, who was in the corner of the store, near merchandise that, I guess, is pricy? (Makeup can be expensive, I'll say) I completely understand the why of the whole situation. It just made us feel sort of discriminated against though, because you don't tell 63-year-old women, or a single mother of 37 years with her 5 year old boy to leave their purses/bags (and backpack if the boy has one) at the front of the store.

** I would like to note/point our here that a shoulder bag or purse would, if you think about it, be more ideal for stealing than a backpack. If you use a backpack, there's the whole taking off the backpack, unzipping, placing item in, etc, whereas a purse or shoulder bag you just lift the flap and put the object in. 

My saying that might make it seem very suspicious like I do steal, but I don't. For the purpose of full disclosure, my friends both had backpacks, and I had a messenger bag. 

***Reading back, I look sooooo guilty >_<

Anyways, after they told us that, we left. Then my girl friend and I waited for the guy we were with to finish buying chips or something, 'cause we were starving and we don't steal because stealing is wrong.

I don't think we would have been so offended if they told us once we walked into the store, but to come up to us in the middle of browsing and shopping doesn't sit well with me. I have valuables in my bag. How am I supposed to just leave my bag in the front of the store, where there was no designated safe area to put my bag, and expect my bag to lay there untouched? If I left my bag there, what's to stop another person from rifling through my stuff, or claiming my bag as theirs? I have valuables in my bag!  I had my Nintendo DS Lite, my wallet, my TI 84 Calculator (which costs $60 or so?), my cell phone, my pencil pouch, and my notes for AP Language & Composition as well as my AP BC Calculus notes. I don't want my possessions in anyone's hands other than mines (unless I give them permission :) )

I think one of the ways to hurt me to most is to not trust or believe me. That's just the way I am *shruggo*. I'm a pretty naive person, I guess, and I hold honesty and generosity above all as very important traits to have. I try and be the best "good" person I can strive to be, and every little thing can bug me, and actually, this whole striving thing is probably the reason behind my extreme stress (or so my mom says =P). So, yep. That was my Friday. I'm not saying what CVS did was wrong, or even bad. I just wish it could have happened differently. I really wanted to buy Peachy-O's or Peach Rings, or whatever they're called :(

I need to study for my AP BC Calc Semester Exam! D;
The Onion Cat

Don't steal! Stealing is morally wrong, and off the top of my head, I can't think of a single situation where stealing would be justified, and National Treasure doesn't count >_>; 

Also, ...I forgot. 

Random Anxiety from books

I feel very anxious right now, and for a second I couldn't figure out for the life of me why. Well, once I started typing, I realized it was because I was reading Fearless by Francine Pascal, and I skipped ahead to book 27 (because it was book 3 and 27 in one...wha-), and it sucked. I'm not saying the story sucked and I didn't like the story, it was that I was really sad to hear Gaia's life sucked so bad now. Like, even worse. I dunno, I was just really hoping Gaia and Ed would be together, but I guess not.

Wow, I ended up reading the entire wiki on the series, and while it's interesting, I don't think I'd be able to deal with having it end, and the outcome. That's just the way I am with some books and stuff. I think I'll ask my mom to not bother getting me books from the series anymore. I'm kind of sad to give up the series, but I know I'm just avoiding future dissonance. I wish my friends would realize the impact books and stories will have on me. After I read Candor, by Pam Bachorz, the ending left me depressed, anxious, and stressed for days as I harped over it all, and how I wish it ended differently. Actually, Breaking Dawn by Stephanie Meyer did that to me too. I ended up wishing there was a different ending, etc. You know, the whole "Oh I could have written this better" complex you might get after reading a book you feel passionate about.

I smell pretzels. Also, my pants are vibrating. I got a text message about call collecting or something. Also, I need to charge my phone.

This is why I'm actually afraid of good books. Now, don't get me wrong. I like good books. That's why I call them good. The problem is when they're so good, I start obsessing over them, wishing I was a character in the book, wishing it ended differently, yelling at characters in the book for not making decisions I would... It's especially horrible when I lose sense or lose my grip on reality, and it takes awhile for me to grasp where I am in the universe--my niche, my place in life, and just simple things like that. The good books have such addicting stories, they're just not quite healthy for me. It's like an addiction, and all these crazy things. Good books are horrible. But they're so good! They're addicting D;

All in all, avoid good books :P

Watching EthosLab instead of doing homework/studying,
The Onion Cat